You’re sitting in the library during your lunchbreak while your admin delivers a decision they’ve made. Why does this always seem to happen?
Teachers, we know those conversations with parents or our administration can sometimes be difficult? Especially when a decision has to be made. Or maybe the decision has already been made. Maybe they’re implementing a new staff or campus rule. Maybe it’s a decision about mandatory unpaid volunteer roles like school dances or carline duty. Sometimes we aren’t sure if our ideas are welcome or when to share them.
In his book DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Douglas Stone breaks these down into 4 types of decisions:
- Commanding – I decide. I tell you my decision.
- Consulting – I ask for input, then I decide and tell you.
- Collaborating or Negotiating – We decide together.
- Delegating – You decide and tell me.
I’ve never seen this separated so clearly, and I think there’s help to be found for us teachers. He says to be clear upfront about what kind of decision this is.
Also, he notes that if it’s a command decision, our message needs to be followed up by listening to their thoughts, feelings, and questions. We’re not going to change our decision. We want to know how it affects people, have confidence they’ll implement it, give any further clarification, and help solve any problems that might arise.
Situation 1 – Assigning a project to students. Do you want to consult their thoughts then decide or decide first then answer their questions. There is merit to both. Just be clear aloud to them what we’re doing.
Situation 2 – Hearing a decision from admin. Listen to them first. Then ask for clarification about what kind of decision it is. Have you already decided? Are you open to input? Are we deciding together? Do I have freedom to decide for myself? This clarity will inform your expectations and question. And it’ll give you peace going forward, even if you don’t like it. We know how that goes.
Can you think of other scenarios this can be helpful on campus? Let me know. I’d love to hear it and share it.
Keep on being awesome!
Jonathan
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